Am I toxic?

These 10 questions are waiting for you

For each one you answer “Never”, “Sometimes” or “Often”. There is no right or wrong – just your honest impression.

1. Do you secretly look at your partner’s phone or messages?
2. Do you react with jealous outbursts when your partner spends time with others?
3. Do you try to decide who your partner may or may not see?
4. Do you put your partner down – with mockery, snide remarks or in front of others?
5. Do you blame your partner when you feel angry or disappointed?
6. Do you use guilt to get your partner to do what you want?
7. Do you punish with silence or withdraw instead of saying what’s wrong?
8. Do you let arguments escalate until they get loud or hurtful?
9. Do you override a no or a boundary your partner sets with you?
10. Do you find it hard to apologise sincerely when you have hurt someone?

What your result looks like

Your answers add up to one of three levels:

Few toxic patterns

Based on your answers, you show few of the typical toxic behaviours. The fact that you are still checking yourself honestly speaks well of you – stay curious about yourself.

Some patterns showing

Some of the behaviours you describe can hurt or restrict your partner. That does not make you a bad person – but it is worth looking more closely and trying something new.

Clear toxic patterns

What you describe are clear patterns that can damage a relationship. Looking at them honestly is the most important first step. With support, such as counselling or therapy, you can learn to react differently.