Trust after cheating

These 10 questions are waiting for you

For each one you answer “Not true”, “Partly” or “True”. There is no right or wrong – just your honest impression.

1. Your partner plays down the cheating or says you are partly to blame.
2. You sense little real remorse – more impatience for it all to be over.
3. You notice that the person still lies to you or hides things from you.
4. As far as you know, the person is still in contact with the affair partner.
5. This is not the first time the person has cheated on you.
6. You keep replaying what happened in your head and can’t let it go.
7. You often feel the urge to go through the person’s phone to be sure.
8. Your body is on constant alert: you sleep badly, feel tense or startle easily.
9. Since the cheating, you have doubted your own worth.
10. You stay mainly because you are afraid of being alone.

What your result looks like

Your answers add up to one of three levels:

Trust can grow

Based on your answers, the conditions are good: the person owns what they did, and you have solid ground under your feet. Healing still takes time – give yourself and your relationship the patience a break like this deserves.

A rocky road

Some things suggest trust can grow again, while others clearly stand in the way. Look closely at which obstacles lie in the person’s behaviour and which lie in your own hurt – each needs different steps.

Trust is hard to rebuild

Many of your answers show that the foundation for new trust is missing right now: without honesty, real remorse and a clear end to the affair, a wound like this can hardly heal. This is not your fault, and you don’t have to carry it alone. Counselling can help you work out what you need – with or without the person.